Bebas

Ibu bapanya sudah pun berpisah


Tapi, Ayahnya masih cuba utk meluangkan masa bersama-sama dengan anaknya


"Dia" berasa sangat marah kpd ayahnya 
kerna meninggalkan keluargnya, meninggalkan dia
Setiap kali ayahnya ajak untuk keluar dan meluangkan masa bersama - samanya
Dia menolak, rasa dendam, marah di dada
kerna ayah, dia rasa sangat terseksa


Ibunya cuba untuk memujuk anaknya

"Kenapa Ayah meninggalkan keluarga kita?" - Dia

"Ayah bukan meninggalkan keluarga kita, tapi dia meninggalkan ibu. Dia sebenarnya sangat sayang kepadamu" - Ibu

"Dia" membuka pintu kereta ibunya
dan berjalan ke arah ayahnya
Ayahnya mengukir senyuman dari jauh
Sudah lama menunggu kedatangan anak kesayangannya
Bersama -sama dengan teman hidup yang lain


Air mata Ibunya mula mengalir
Melihat bekas suami memeluk erat anak perempuannya


---------


Kita rasa takut, sebab itu kita eratnya kuat-kuat
Tapi melepaskan makna membebaskan Kita!

Accident !

11.25, 9 May 2012, Selasa


Pertama kali ku terlanggar dengan kereta orang.
Nasib baik keretanya tak kemek, hanya tercalar sedikit sahaja
Tu laa, over-confident ketika driving


Ku cepat - cepat keluar dari keretaku
kelihatan tiada siapa ketika tu.
ku pusing ke kanan dan kiri, dan toleh ke belakang
tiada siapa nampak
Sebenarnya, Ada perasaan untuk ku lari dari sini
tiada siapa nampak, tiada siapa tahu


ku pun cepat2 bergegas pulang ke bilik dan meninggalkan kereta yang tercalar tadi kat tepi
patutkah aku meletakkan surat pada kereta tadi?
Perasaan takut menghantui
kalau tertangkap macam mana? mesti orang tu akan marah? takut nama ku kena black list nanti?
Syaitan memang buat kita rasa takut utk membuat kebaikan, dia suruh kita lari - lari jauh dengan kesalahan
Tapi perasaan bersalah lagi menguasai


Di bilik,
Aku try balik utk rationalize fikiranku 
" tapi kan kereta tu memang dah banyak calar
mungkin calar tu bukan berpunca dari accident tadi "
haih---
kenapa rasa tak tenang ni?
Kalau tak tenang, hakikatnya ianya dosa!


aku nak Lari pun, lari dari siapa?
Manusia?
Kalau ku lari sekuat mana pun,
hakikatnya, nanti ku akan tertangkap jua di akhirat kelak
tak guna lari di sini
baik tertangkap di sini


Ku menanya pada kawan karibu perihal kejadian tadi
dia memberi semangat kpd ku utk bertanggungjawab atas kesalahan tadi
Alhamdulilah, inilah kelebihan bagi mereka yang mempunyai kawan - kawan solehah
mereka akan menguatkan kita pada kebaikan, ku syukur..
ku memang nak bertanggungjawab atas kesalahan tadi
cuma memerlukan sedikit semangat
hakikatnya, diri ku adalah seseorang yang sangat lemah


Ku tabahkan hatiku
Luruskan perasaanku
dan menulis surat utk diletakkan pada kereta tadi
(bersama2 dengan kawan karib ku tadi)

Perasaan tenang akhirnya terasa..
walaupun ku tahu banyak kemungkinan yang akan berlaku lepas ni
ku tidak lagi takut
Aku yakin, Allah akan protect ku
Inilah kebaikan
kebaikan memang membawa ketenangan
Alhamdulilah!

Searching

Searching for the real meaning.

Of something eternal.

And Lasting.

Isn’t there such thing called truth love?

That bring peace.

And Strength.

Something that you could hold on to

And won’t let you fall

I’ve been searching for You a long time.

But I sought it in Your creations.

Happiness is felt during the first moment.

But loss even before I could feel the essence.

Truly if there’s emptiness inside of me

It is actually a reflection that I am moving further from You.

And I want to come back.

Making the first intention.

Taking the first step.

And I know You are there by my side through out the journey.

Just the first step that is difficult.

But after the initial step.

The inner peace is finally felt.

“Truly in the heart there is a void that cannot be removed except with the company of Allah. And in it there’s sadness  that cannot be removed except with the happiness of knowing Allah” Ibn Qayyim al Jawziyya

Being Myself

"Why aren't you wearing the niqab"asked a niqabi sister who sat directly infront of me on the table.

The question I avoided.
The blood inside of my veins is gushing in and out.
However I tried to remain calm.
Chewing my food slowly.


Thinking for answers.
Answers that would satisfy these creations.
I have my reasons and live in a different circumstances.
But are you willing to listen with an open mind?

"My family don't allow it for now"

"...But my family don't allow it too" she said

The first answer wasn't the real answer.
I don't know I said it in the first place.
I turn to my friend who sat next time.
And asked her to answer on my behalf.

"Her view about the niqab has changed"

"I didn't know there's other views" she said.

I looked down silently.
This time my mind is empty.
All I could say is.
Oo Allah please put good thoughts about her in me and me in her.


But this is the real me.


The other niqabi sister who sat next to her said,
"Yup there's many view with regards to niqab. It's okay if you don't want to wear it. Just take good care of yourself, the way you carry yourself in the public and don't smile unnessary to men"

"Oo i didn't know that" she said.

Now the test is on me, should i throw false judgement about her?
Do i have bad thoughts about her in my mind? 
Oo Allah please forgive me and her for our shortcomings.


In the Quran Allah said

"...but whoever pardons and makes reconciliation - his reward is [due] from Allah . Indeed, He does not like wrongdoers" (Ash Shura 42:40)

xxx

Later i meet again with the other niqabi sister.
I thank her for helping me out with giving answer.
I don't know why I felt so inferior to just being myself.
She said, "It is better in the eyes of Allah a sister who don't wear niqab but prove through her actions and her behaviour that she is modesty and having a good akhlak. Sometimes the niqab sisters took for granted these things. Allah does not judge you just by a piece on cloth on your face."


I pause and reflected on her words.


Will I wear it or not in the future?
Inshaallah I don't know.
I asked Allah for things that are pleasing to Him


But for now.
Let the changes start from inside.
And inshaallah it will be reflected through outside.


Allah mustaan.

He loves me

I asked the same question which I asked myself 3 years ago,


"Isn't there anyone out there if we would love that person, that person would definitely love us back?"


Since I was little. Allah test on my emotion. In the kindergarten, my friends would force me to get them stickers, if not they would not be friends with me. And hence, getting stickers was my priority. Why? I was afraid of not having any friends. I was afraid of being lonely.


The test was the same when i go to high school and when I entered into university.


However the ending is the same, I was the one that are being left. I was the one that was feeling hurt. 


I gush to the mosque and start doing 2 rakaat prayer.
There I found the One that will never leave me.
In the Quran, Allah swt said:

" The example of those who take allies other than Allah is like that of the spider who takes a home. And indeed, the weakest of homes is the home of the spider, if they only knew." (Surah Al-Ankabut 29:41)

We become weak when we put reliance on something that is not eternal.

I was afraid of being left and hurt.
But there is the One that will never leave me.

He put me in this situation
and hence it is His responsibility to take me out.

Just like Prophet Ibrahim a.s that is caught in the fire.
He denied of all help.
He wanted Allah to save him
and Only by His permission he can get through.

Caught in the same situation.
Maybe not in the fire.

But the struggle was the same.
We are in need of Allah swt

So I say just like what Prophet Ibrahim a.s would had said, 

"Allah is sufficient for us and He is the Best Depposer of Affairs"

The Open Door

All the doors are shut.
I stood there.
Thinking.
Should i go or wait.


Knocking once.
Twice.
Silence.


I walk forward and pause.
Look back.
The doors remained close


However I
Gush back towards the door.
Knocking once.
Twice.
In case you have forgotten


This time i know it will never open.
I look ahead of me.
Total darkness.
I was afraid.

I used to have future plans.
The path was very clear.
I know I'm not alone.

For the first time.
I look foward.
And couldn't see the path that awaits me.

In the Quran, Allah said, "Isn't the morning near?"


O Allah open a door for me.
So i could move further from this.
And Closer to You.
A door that remain open for His beloved servant.

The Gift

Just like Prophet Muhammad saw and Abu Bakar.

Prophet Musa and Prophet Harun. 

You are a gift from Allah.

A true sahabah.

Indeed strength only comes from Allah.

But a weak creation like me.

Couldn’t stand to face this challenges and tempatations alone.

I needed your advice.

Support.

Allah had sent you

So that I could always be remembered of Him

And I am forever grateful

For this sisterhood

Hand in hand

Shoulder to shoulder

We face this world together

Towards the same direction

Hope that on the Day of Judgement.

Under His Shade.

Is where we meet again.

As a prove of this solid friendship.

Unbroken.

Ties only by the Creator.

I turn to Allah to make our hearts close to Him.

Truly, Love you only for His sake

Manners

Imam Malik


When he was young and wanted to learn and gain knowledge, his mother would gave him an advice and say "Go to Rabiatul Raid (a scholar during his time) and learn from his adab (manners) first before learning from his knowledge"


He listened to his mother's advice. He would finish learning from the Imam for one year, but he remain with him for the next 19 years. When people asked him why? 

He said, "I took one year to learn from his knowledge, but 19 years to learn from his manners. He was an ocean in manners. They way he dealt with his fellow scholars, they way he dealt with the ignorance, the way he dealt with children and the way he dealt with the ruler; Everyday and every experience of his was a lesson of adhab. And I wish for the past 20 years, I would just learn from his manners alone"

Beautiful Hadith Qudsi : Al Fatihah

"Hadith Qudsi 8"

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) from the Prophet (peace be upon him), who said: 


I have heard the Prophet (may the blessings and peace of Allah be up on him) say: Allah (mighty and sublime be He), had said: I have divided prayer between Myself and My servant into two halves, and My servant shall have what he has asked for. 


When the servant says: Al-hamdu lillahi rabbi l-alamin, Allah (mighty and sublime be He) says: My servant has praised Me. 


And when he says: Ar-rahmani r-rahim, Allah (mighty and sublime be He) says: My servant has extolled Me, and when he says: 


Maliki yawmi d-din, Allah says: My servant has glorified Me - and on one occasion He said: My servant has submitted to My power. 


And when he says: Iyyaka na budu wa iyyaka nasta in, He says: This is between Me and My servant, and My servant shall have what he has asked for. 


And when he says: Ihdina s-sirata l- mustaqim, siratal ladhina an amta alayhim ghayril-maghdubi alayhim wa la d-dallin, He says: This is for My servant, and My servant shall have what he has asked for. 


Hence when you reciting al Fatihah, Allah is talking directly to you, Allah Akbar.

Best in Worship

"You are the best nation produced [as an example] for mankind. You enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and believe in Allah . If only the People of the Scripture had believed, it would have been better for them. Among them are believers, but most of them are defiantly disobedient (Al - Imran 3:110)"

"And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me (Adh-Dhariyat 51:56)"

If you were created to worship Allah and you are the best of all the nations, then You should be the best in worshipping Allah! - Sheikh Sajid Ahmed Umar

Distractions

" Al hakumu takassur - Competition in (worldly) increase diverts you ( at - Takathur 102:1) "

Hakumu comes from the work lawhu (distractions) which means

1. Entertainment
2. Something that preoccupied you, gets all your attention and keep you from doing something more important.

So what it is that is distracting, preoccupying and take over your hear and mind. Allah swt called it takassur. Takassur means

1. The want, desire of wanting more and plenty. Continuous worry about not what we have but what we don't have. Human always wants more and never satisfied. When the person is graduate, he will think about finding a good job. When he get a good job, now he's thinking about promotion. When he achieve something in his life, there's always the thinking of "what's next?"
2. Human does not just desire more, but he or she will struggle and exhaust himself or herself to get more. 
3. Human also have the urge to show off and this preoccupies them. "How can I show you that I have more?' "How could I prove to people?" This thought overwhelm human being, the desire of wanting to show their superiority over others.

It means it distract you from every good thing that you could have done but you were aren't able to do it because you were distracted

"Hatta zur tumul makobir - Until you visit the graveyards (At - Takassur 102:2)"

Makobir (graveyards) - illustrate location. Human beings are preoccupied with one home (world) but one  day they will have to transfer to another home; a transfer that you can't escape.


Zurtumu - visit; comes from the word ziarah which means to go somewhere for a while and come back. It's beautiful why Allah use 'to visit the grave' instead of 'going to the grave'. The point is we are not going to be in the grave for a long time, one day we will be waken up to be resurrect on the Day of Judgement.


Some people have been in the grave for thousand of years. Yet, Allah only used the term 'ziarah' (visit the grave - remain there only for a short while). Try to compare the people who have been under the earth for thousand of years and the life that we live on the earth! Subhanallah!, majority of us only live up to 60 or 70 years. The time for us here is even more limited! 

Saidina Ali r.a said

"People are asleep and when they die, they wake up"

He is Greater than....

Allah Akbar.


Words that we usually proclaim in the Salah.


If we find in any translation in the Quran, it will give us the meaning of Allah is the Greatest. However, it has deeper linguistic meaning to it.


Okay let me give you an example between two different sentences.


"Amin is the cleverest" and "Alia is smarter than Abu". The former sentence "Amin is the cleverest" shows the superiority of the object (Amin), without comparing the subject with other objects, while the latter "Alia is smarter than Abu" shows the comparative between two, Alia (being the subject of the sentence) and Abu (as the object for comparative measure).


The superiority and the comparative sentences is also being used in the Arabic language.


The real meaning of Allah Akbar is not "Allah is The Greatest, rather it means "Allah is Greater than....." When we give comparative sentence, the statements will depend highly on the objects that it is compared to. "Alia is smarter than Abu" Hence, Abu is required in the sentences to show the dominance of Alia over Abu.


When we say "Allah is Greater than...." The question(s) arise 

1. Why the object (to be compared with Allah) is left blank (not named) ? It is normal in the Arabic language to leave a comparative statement without naming the objects (that is being compared to Allah). This shows that the statement is applicable to everyone and no one is excluded from being able to reflect on this sentence.
2. Another question arise, what is the object that is being compared to Allah? In this statement, it means an object (whatever it is or whoever) that is distracting us in the prayer, Allah is Greater than that.

During fajr when you feel tired to wake up, Allah is Greater than your sleep and exhaustion.
During Zhur, when you are engaging in your work or studies, Allah is Greater than that.


Every time you say Allah Akbar in the prayer, ask yourselves "What is distracting you at this moment? " "What is preoccupying your mind and your heart now? " I'm reminding myself Allah is Greater than that! 


May Allah make us of those who could attain the real sense of connection with Him during Salah.


Allah knows best.

Connection

Standing.
Bending.
Prostrating.
Sitting.
Trying to find the connection that was missing.
I close my eyes.
"Where are you?"
You were there.
But I wasn't.
My heart wasn't presence.
My mind was busy.


As i stood there, thinking.
As i reciting, wondering.
My eyes gazed upon the mattress
"Where is my heart?"


I tried to read it out loud.
And then I shut my eyes.
I forced my mind to focus.


I do this many times before.
It feels the same.
Nothing change.
I have to struggle with my limbs and mind to stay concentrate.
and then i became tired.
I count seconds when I pray.
But I lose hours in everything else.


I let the thoughts overwhelmed me.
Expectations.
Attachement.
Hopes.
Dreams.
In the end,it is just my physical body that remain.


"Why?"
I no longer looking forward towards this.
I just want to get it over with.
I might not say it.
But it is reflected through my actions.


But this is a special connection between us.
This connection is what change me in the first place.
This connection is what guide me till here.
"Where is the connection?"
"Where is the essence? "
I perform it.
But I don't experience it.


And then i realize.
The problem is with my heart.
A barrier that I cultivated.
Actions that i persisted.


Hence, when I stand.
The connection wasn't there.


As I reach the final prostration.
I ask You.
To give a heart that is close to You.
I'm indeed in need of You.

Reflections

What is distracting you ?

What else has caught your attention ?

What is turning you from Allah?

Why are you turning around in another direction?

Why are you looking somewhere else?

Is there any Creator that sustain you, feed you and takes good care of you? Is there anyone else?

This is Allah, your Lord. He creates all the creations in this world. Everything else is just the creations. Allah is the Originator of all the creation. So why do you seek for your needs and happiness other than Him?

"Is He (not the best) who responds to the desprate one when he calls upon Him, and remove all his sorrow (difficulties and sadness)" (An Naml 27 : 62)

I turn my face towards Him

Ibrahim a.s said "Indeed I turn my face towards He who created the heavens and the earth, inclining towards the Truth, and I am not of those who associate others with Allah" (Al-An'am 6:79)

When we read the translation from the Quran, the literal meaning for wajhi is face. To translate it as face and to accept the meaning as it is, is wrong. Wajhi has deeper meaning to it; it is an expression of nobility of the whole body. When Ibrahim a.s said that he turn his face towards Allah, it means that he turn completely, wholeheartedly, devotedly and dedicated himself; internally and externally to the One who originates the heavens and the earth (give existence out of nothingness)


It means that the person understood responsibility and purpose and to act consistently towards fulfilling the responsibility. If an ayah from the verse of the Quran and the Shahih Sunnah shows that something is  haram or halal, that person will quickly act upon the truth and leave the old ways of doing things.


May Allah make us of those who truly seeks to purify his heart.

Gifts

"Allah gives us gifts, but We come to love them as we should only love Him. We become dependent on those gifts, instead of him. And we become distracted by those gifts. We take those gifts and inject them into our hearts. Soon we cannot live without them. Every walking moment is spent in contemplation of them. The heart and the mind created by Allah, for Allah becomes the property of someone else. And then the fear comes. The fear of losing those gifts consume us. Soon what was once a gift becomes a prison that torture us. At times, Allah free us, by taking those gifts away " 

Yasmin Mogahed (check her articles at wwwsuhaibwebb.com )

Modesty

“MashaAllah…..! She is a very pious sister!”

“Do you know that he lowers his gaze when he walk?!”

“And the beard..!!!!!”

“His jubah is above his ankle, Tabarakallah…! Very modest..!”

I’m sure you have heard all this comments before. People that dress in a certain way are called modesty. Big Hijab. Niqab. Loose-fitting Jubah.

But then the question arise,

Is part of being modesty is what confirms with the appearance?

Obviously there’s a missing element here.

The inner dimension of modesty

Being modesty is not just when you are outside, being seen by people,

but also when you are with yourselves and your attitude towards Allah.

The real value of modesty is what

Guides your thought and your desires.

Directs your actions and the content of your speech

“When you are alone, what are things that you will usually think about?”

Do you keep wondering around and end up in useless thoughts?

Or committing sins that you wouldn’t even think of doing it if someone is there?

The Prophet told a man he was advising: “I advise you to have shame with Allah as you would have shame (in the presence) of a righteous man from your people.”

When we develop modesty and shamelessness in our hearts, then it becomes easier for our thoughts, desires, conversation and actions to reflect modesty.

So how to gain modesty?

1. Refrain from shameless talks and actions
2. Consistently observe the obligatory and recommended worship. “Verily prayer prevents from shamelessness and evil deeds”
3. Surround yourselves with righteous people. This is because if you want to remain pure, you have to be in a company that will improve you. A Mujahid said, “If a Muslim benefits from his brother is the feeling of shame of committing sins due to the presence of his brother, and this prevent him from sinning, than that would be sufficient.
4. Remove oneself from corrupted environment. A believer must always be alert with environment that contains lagwu (anything that could be in terms of speech or actions that doesn't bring any benefit in your deen)
5. Gain knowledge by studying the example of modesty from the Prophet and His companions.

“When you do something remember that Allah sees you, and when you speak remember that Allah hears you and when you are silent, remember than Allah’s knowledge of your inner thoughts and feelings”