Monday, December 5, 2011

Being Myself

"Why aren't you wearing the niqab"asked a niqabi sister who sat directly infront of me on the table.
The question I avoided.
The blood inside of my veins is gushing in and out.
However I tried to remain calm.
Chewing my food slowly.

Thinking for answers.
Answers that would satisfy these creations.
I have my reasons and live in a different circumstances.
But are you willing to listen with an open mind?
"My family don't allow it for now"
"...But my family don't allow it too" she said
The first answer wasn't the real answer.
I don't know I said it in the first place.
I turn to my friend who sat next time.
And asked her to answer on my behalf.
"Her view about the niqab has changed"
"I didn't know there's other views" she said.
I looked down silently.
This time my mind is empty.
All I could say is.
Oo Allah please put good thoughts about her in me and me in her.

But this is the real me.

The other niqabi sister who sat next to her said,
"Yup there's many view with regards to niqab. It's okay if you don't want to wear it. Just take good care of yourself, the way you carry yourself in the public and don't smile unnessary to men"
"Oo i didn't know that" she said.
Now the test is on me, should i throw false judgement about her?
Do i have bad thoughts about her in my mind? 
Oo Allah please forgive me and her for our shortcomings.

In the Quran Allah said
"...but whoever pardons and makes reconciliation - his reward is [due] from Allah . Indeed, He does not like wrongdoers" (Ash Shura 42:40)

Later i meet again with the other niqabi sister.
I thank her for helping me out with giving answer.
I don't know why I felt so inferior to just being myself.
She said, "It is better in the eyes of Allah a sister who don't wear niqab but prove through her actions and her behaviour that she is modesty and having a good akhlak. Sometimes the niqab sisters took for granted these things. Allah does not judge you just by a piece on cloth on your face."

I pause and reflected on her words.

Will I wear it or not in the future?
Inshaallah I don't know.
I asked Allah for things that are pleasing to Him

But for now.
Let the changes start from inside.
And inshaallah it will be reflected through outside.

Allah mustaan.

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