Thursday, December 8, 2011


Searching for the real meaning.
Of something eternal.
And Lasting.

Isn’t there such thing called truth love?
That bring peace.
And Strength.

Something that you could hold on to
And won’t let you fall

I’ve been searching for You a long time.
But I sought it in Your creations.
Happiness is felt during the first moment.
But loss even before I could feel the essence.

Truly if there’s emptiness inside of me
It is actually a reflection that I am moving further from You.
And I want to come back.

Making the first intention.
Taking the first step.
And I know You are there by my side through out the journey.

Just the first step that is difficult.
But after the initial step.

The inner peace is finally felt.

“Truly in the heart there is a void that cannot be removed except with the company of Allah. And in it there’s sadness  that cannot be removed except with the happiness of knowing Allah” Ibn Qayyim al Jawziyya

Monday, December 5, 2011

Being Myself

"Why aren't you wearing the niqab"asked a niqabi sister who sat directly infront of me on the table.
The question I avoided.
The blood inside of my veins is gushing in and out.
However I tried to remain calm.
Chewing my food slowly.

Thinking for answers.
Answers that would satisfy these creations.
I have my reasons and live in a different circumstances.
But are you willing to listen with an open mind?
"My family don't allow it for now"
"...But my family don't allow it too" she said
The first answer wasn't the real answer.
I don't know I said it in the first place.
I turn to my friend who sat next time.
And asked her to answer on my behalf.
"Her view about the niqab has changed"
"I didn't know there's other views" she said.
I looked down silently.
This time my mind is empty.
All I could say is.
Oo Allah please put good thoughts about her in me and me in her.

But this is the real me.

The other niqabi sister who sat next to her said,
"Yup there's many view with regards to niqab. It's okay if you don't want to wear it. Just take good care of yourself, the way you carry yourself in the public and don't smile unnessary to men"
"Oo i didn't know that" she said.
Now the test is on me, should i throw false judgement about her?
Do i have bad thoughts about her in my mind? 
Oo Allah please forgive me and her for our shortcomings.

In the Quran Allah said
"...but whoever pardons and makes reconciliation - his reward is [due] from Allah . Indeed, He does not like wrongdoers" (Ash Shura 42:40)

Later i meet again with the other niqabi sister.
I thank her for helping me out with giving answer.
I don't know why I felt so inferior to just being myself.
She said, "It is better in the eyes of Allah a sister who don't wear niqab but prove through her actions and her behaviour that she is modesty and having a good akhlak. Sometimes the niqab sisters took for granted these things. Allah does not judge you just by a piece on cloth on your face."

I pause and reflected on her words.

Will I wear it or not in the future?
Inshaallah I don't know.
I asked Allah for things that are pleasing to Him

But for now.
Let the changes start from inside.
And inshaallah it will be reflected through outside.

Allah mustaan.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

He loves me

I asked the same question which I asked myself 3 years ago,

"Isn't there anyone out there if we would love that person, that person would definitely love us back?"

Since I was little. Allah test on my emotion. In the kindergarten, my friends would force me to get them stickers, if not they would not be friends with me. And hence, getting stickers was my priority. Why? I was afraid of not having any friends. I was afraid of being lonely.

The test was the same when i go to high school and when I entered into university.

However the ending is the same, I was the one that are being left. I was the one that was feeling hurt. 

I gush to the mosque and start doing 2 rakaat prayer.
There I found the One that will never leave me.
In the Quran, Allah swt said:
" The example of those who take allies other than Allah is like that of the spider who takes a home. And indeed, the weakest of homes is the home of the spider, if they only knew." (Surah Al-Ankabut 29:41)
We become weak when we put reliance on something that is not eternal.

I was afraid of being left and hurt.
But there is the One that will never leave me.

He put me in this situation
and hence it is His responsibility to take me out.

Just like Prophet Ibrahim a.s that is caught in the fire.
He denied of all help.
He wanted Allah to save him
and Only by His permission he can get through.

Caught in the same situation.
Maybe not in the fire.

But the struggle was the same.
We are in need of Allah swt

So I say just like what Prophet Ibrahim a.s would had said, 
"Allah is sufficient for us and He is the Best Depposer of Affairs"

The Open Door

All the doors are shut.
I stood there.
Should i go or wait.

Knocking once.

I walk forward and pause.
Look back.
The doors remained close

However I
Gush back towards the door.
Knocking once.
In case you have forgotten

This time i know it will never open.
I look ahead of me.
Total darkness.
I was afraid.

I used to have future plans.
The path was very clear.
I know I'm not alone.

For the first time.
I look foward.
And couldn't see the path that awaits me.

In the Quran, Allah said, "Isn't the morning near?"

O Allah open a door for me.
So i could move further from this.
And Closer to You.
A door that remain open for His beloved servant.

Friday, October 28, 2011

The Gift

Just like Prophet Muhammad saw and Abu Bakar.
Prophet Musa and Prophet Harun. 
You are a gift from Allah.
A true sahabah.

Indeed strength only comes from Allah.
But a weak creation like me.
Couldn’t stand to face this challenges and tempatations alone.
I needed your advice.

Allah had sent you
So that I could always be remembered of Him
And I am forever grateful
For this sisterhood

Hand in hand
Shoulder to shoulder
We face this world together
Towards the same direction

Hope that on the Day of Judgement.
Under His Shade.
Is where we meet again.

As a prove of this solid friendship.
Ties only by the Creator.

I turn to Allah to make our hearts close to Him.
Truly, Love you only for His sake

Monday, July 18, 2011


Imam Malik

When he was young and wanted to learn and gain knowledge, his mother would gave him an advice and say "Go to Rabiatul Raid (a scholar during his time) and learn from his adab (manners) first before learning from his knowledge"

He listened to his mother's advice. He would finish learning from the Imam for one year, but he remain with him for the next 19 years. When people asked him why? 
He said, "I took one year to learn from his knowledge, but 19 years to learn from his manners. He was an ocean in manners. They way he dealt with his fellow scholars, they way he dealt with the ignorance, the way he dealt with children and the way he dealt with the ruler; Everyday and every experience of his was a lesson of adhab. And I wish for the past 20 years, I would just learn from his manners alone"

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Beautiful Hadith Qudsi : Al Fatihah

"Hadith Qudsi 8"

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) from the Prophet (peace be upon him), who said: 

I have heard the Prophet (may the blessings and peace of Allah be up on him) say: Allah (mighty and sublime be He), had said: I have divided prayer between Myself and My servant into two halves, and My servant shall have what he has asked for. 

When the servant says: Al-hamdu lillahi rabbi l-alamin, Allah (mighty and sublime be He) says: My servant has praised Me

And when he says: Ar-rahmani r-rahim, Allah (mighty and sublime be He) says: My servant has extolled Me, and when he says: 

Maliki yawmi d-din, Allah says: My servant has glorified Me - and on one occasion He said: My servant has submitted to My power

And when he says: Iyyaka na budu wa iyyaka nasta in, He says: This is between Me and My servant, and My servant shall have what he has asked for. 

And when he says: Ihdina s-sirata l- mustaqim, siratal ladhina an amta alayhim ghayril-maghdubi alayhim wa la d-dallin, He says: This is for My servant, and My servant shall have what he has asked for. 

Hence when you reciting al Fatihah, Allah is talking directly to you, Allah Akbar.

Best in Worship

"You are the best nation produced [as an example] for mankind. You enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and believe in Allah . If only the People of the Scripture had believed, it would have been better for them. Among them are believers, but most of them are defiantly disobedient (Al - Imran 3:110)"
"And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me (Adh-Dhariyat 51:56)"
If you were created to worship Allah and you are the best of all the nations, then You should be the best in worshipping Allah! - Sheikh Sajid Ahmed Umar


" Al hakumu takassur - Competition in (worldly) increase diverts you ( at - Takathur 102:1) "
Hakumu comes from the work lawhu (distractions) which means
  1. Entertainment
  2. Something that preoccupied you, gets all your attention and keep you from doing something more important.

So what it is that is distracting, preoccupying and take over your hear and mind. Allah swt called it takassur. Takassur means
  1. The want, desire of wanting more and plenty. Continuous worry about not what we have but what we don't have. Human always wants more and never satisfied. When the person is graduate, he will think about finding a good job. When he get a good job, now he's thinking about promotion. When he achieve something in his life, there's always the thinking of "what's next?"
  2. Human does not just desire more, but he or she will struggle and exhaust himself or herself to get more. 
  3. Human also have the urge to show off and this preoccupies them. "How can I show you that I have more?' "How could I prove to people?" This thought overwhelm human being, the desire of wanting to show their superiority over others.
It means it distract you from every good thing that you could have done but you were aren't able to do it because you were distracted

"Hatta zur tumul makobir - Until you visit the graveyards (At - Takassur 102:2)"
Makobir (graveyards) - illustrate location. Human beings are preoccupied with one home (world) but one  day they will have to transfer to another home; a transfer that you can't escape.

Zurtumu - visit; comes from the word ziarah which means to go somewhere for a while and come back. It's beautiful why Allah use 'to visit the grave' instead of 'going to the grave'. The point is we are not going to be in the grave for a long time, one day we will be waken up to be resurrect on the Day of Judgement.

Some people have been in the grave for thousand of years. Yet, Allah only used the term 'ziarah' (visit the grave - remain there only for a short while). Try to compare the people who have been under the earth for thousand of years and the life that we live on the earth! Subhanallah!, majority of us only live up to 60 or 70 years. The time for us here is even more limited! 
Saidina Ali r.a said
"People are asleep and when they die, they wake up"

Thursday, June 30, 2011

He is Greater than....

Allah Akbar.

Words that we usually proclaim in the Salah.

If we find in any translation in the Quran, it will give us the meaning of Allah is the Greatest. However, it has deeper linguistic meaning to it.

Okay let me give you an example between two different sentences.

"Amin is the cleverest" and "Alia is smarter than Abu". The former sentence "Amin is the cleverest" shows the superiority of the object (Amin), without comparing the subject with other objects, while the latter "Alia is smarter than Abu" shows the comparative between two, Alia (being the subject of the sentence) and Abu (as the object for comparative measure).

The superiority and the comparative sentences is also being used in the Arabic language.

The real meaning of Allah Akbar is not "Allah is The Greatest, rather it means "Allah is Greater than....." When we give comparative sentence, the statements will depend highly on the objects that it is compared to. "Alia is smarter than Abu" Hence, Abu is required in the sentences to show the dominance of Alia over Abu.

When we say "Allah is Greater than...." The question(s) arise 

  1. Why the object (to be compared with Allah) is left blank (not named) ? It is normal in the Arabic language to leave a comparative statement without naming the objects (that is being compared to Allah). This shows that the statement is applicable to everyone and no one is excluded from being able to reflect on this sentence.
  2. Another question arise, what is the object that is being compared to Allah? In this statement, it means an object (whatever it is or whoever) that is distracting us in the prayer, Allah is Greater than that.

During fajr when you feel tired to wake up, Allah is Greater than your sleep and exhaustion.
During Zhur, when you are engaging in your work or studies, Allah is Greater than that.

Every time you say Allah Akbar in the prayer, ask yourselves "What is distracting you at this moment? " "What is preoccupying your mind and your heart now? " I'm reminding myself Allah is Greater than that! 

May Allah make us of those who could attain the real sense of connection with Him during Salah.

Allah knows best.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011


Trying to find the connection that was missing.
I close my eyes.
"Where are you?"
You were there.
But I wasn't.
My heart wasn't presence.
My mind was busy.

As i stood there, thinking.
As i reciting, wondering.
My eyes gazed upon the mattress
"Where is my heart?"

I tried to read it out loud.
And then I shut my eyes.
I forced my mind to focus.

I do this many times before.
It feels the same.
Nothing change.
I have to struggle with my limbs and mind to stay concentrate.
and then i became tired.
I count seconds when I pray.
But I lose hours in everything else.

I let the thoughts overwhelmed me.
In the end,it is just my physical body that remain.

I no longer looking forward towards this.
I just want to get it over with.
I might not say it.
But it is reflected through my actions.

But this is a special connection between us.
This connection is what change me in the first place.
This connection is what guide me till here.
"Where is the connection?"
"Where is the essence? "
I perform it.
But I don't experience it.

And then i realize.
The problem is with my heart.
A barrier that I cultivated.
Actions that i persisted.

Hence, when I stand.
The connection wasn't there.

As I reach the final prostration.
I ask You.
To give a heart that is close to You.
I'm indeed in need of You.

Thursday, June 23, 2011


What is distracting you ?

What else has caught your attention ?

What is turning you from Allah?

Why are you turning around in another direction?

Why are you looking somewhere else?

Is there any Creator that sustain you, feed you and takes good care of you? Is there anyone else?

This is Allah, your Lord. He creates all the creations in this world. Everything else is just the creations. Allah is the Originator of all the creation. So why do you seek for your needs and happiness other than Him?
"Is He (not the best) who responds to the desprate one when he calls upon Him, and remove all his sorrow (difficulties and sadness)" (An Naml 27 : 62)

I turn my face towards Him

Ibrahim a.s said "Indeed I turn my face towards He who created the heavens and the earth, inclining towards the Truth, and I am not of those who associate others with Allah" (Al-An'am 6:79)

When we read the translation from the Quran, the literal meaning for wajhi is face. To translate it as face and to accept the meaning as it is, is wrong. Wajhi has deeper meaning to it; it is an expression of nobility of the whole body. When Ibrahim a.s said that he turn his face towards Allah, it means that he turn completely, wholeheartedly, devotedly and dedicated himself; internally and externally to the One who originates the heavens and the earth (give existence out of nothingness)

It means that the person understood responsibility and purpose and to act consistently towards fulfilling the responsibility. If an ayah from the verse of the Quran and the Shahih Sunnah shows that something is  haram or halal, that person will quickly act upon the truth and leave the old ways of doing things.

May Allah make us of those who truly seeks to purify his heart.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011


"Allah gives us gifts, but We come to love them as we should only love Him. We become dependent on those gifts, instead of him. And we become distracted by those gifts. We take those gifts and inject them into our hearts. Soon we cannot live without them. Every walking moment is spent in contemplation of them. The heart and the mind created by Allah, for Allah becomes the property of someone else. And then the fear comes. The fear of losing those gifts consume us. Soon what was once a gift becomes a prison that torture us. At times, Allah free us, by taking those gifts away " 
Yasmin Mogahed (check her articles at )


“MashaAllah…..! She is a very pious sister!”
“Do you know that he lowers his gaze when he walk?!”
“And the beard..!!!!!”
“His jubah is above his ankle, Tabarakallah…! Very modest..!”

I’m sure you have heard all this comments before. People that dress in a certain way are called modesty. Big Hijab. Niqab. Loose-fitting Jubah.

But then the question arise,
Is part of being modesty is what confirms with the appearance?
Obviously there’s a missing element here.

The inner dimension of modesty

Being modesty is not just when you are outside, being seen by people,
but also when you are with yourselves and your attitude towards Allah.

The real value of modesty is what
Guides your thought and your desires.
Directs your actions and the content of your speech

“When you are alone, what are things that you will usually think about?”
Do you keep wondering around and end up in useless thoughts?
Or committing sins that you wouldn’t even think of doing it if someone is there?

The Prophet told a man he was advising: “I advise you to have shame with Allah as you would have shame (in the presence) of a righteous man from your people.”

When we develop modesty and shamelessness in our hearts, then it becomes easier for our thoughts, desires, conversation and actions to reflect modesty.

So how to gain modesty?
  1. Refrain from shameless talks and actions
  2. Consistently observe the obligatory and recommended worship. “Verily prayer prevents from shamelessness and evil deeds”
  3. Surround yourselves with righteous people. This is because if you want to remain pure, you have to be in a company that will improve you. A Mujahid said, “If a Muslim benefits from his brother is the feeling of shame of committing sins due to the presence of his brother, and this prevent him from sinning, than that would be sufficient.
  4. Remove oneself from corrupted environment. A believer must always be alert with environment that contains lagwu (anything that could be in terms of speech or actions that doesn't bring any benefit in your deen)
  5. Gain knowledge by studying the example of modesty from the Prophet and His companions.

“When you do something remember that Allah sees you, and when you speak remember that Allah hears you and when you are silent, remember than Allah’s knowledge of your inner thoughts and feelings”

Sunday, June 19, 2011

I am weak!

"....The Pursuer (the one who seek worldly pleasures) are the pursued (worldly pleasure) are both weak" (Al Hajj 22:73) 
In this world everyone is seeking something, running after things or obsess with certain things. Let it be their appearances, wealth, status, and love for someone or their career. In the Quran, it is mentioned that, those who are running over these worldly pleasure are weak and thing that they are running after is also weak.

The Question here is WHY? And what does it meant that the thing is weak and it will make us weak?

Okay, let me give you an example.

Try to imagine that you had save some money for the past 10 years to buy a car that you always dream of. And at last when you bought the car, it makes you feel really happy and the whole day you can't stop smiling and talking about it to your friends. Then out of sudden, a new edition came in. The car has better design, it uses less petrol, the cushion is made of leather and it has integrated gps, Bluetooth and security system. Guess what? You also want the new edition.  
Remember, There's always the NEXT car. The NEXT house. The NEXT food. The NEXT guy :) What happen to the car that you just bought? You've invested your 10 years thinking about it, dreaming about it and you deprive yourself to live comfortably in order to save money to buy the car. Why does the feeling disappear? Where's the happiness now? And now you are thinking about the NEXT car?  
This is because every time you look for these worldly things for satisfaction, it becomes your disappointment. And then we go after the NEXT THING, and it will disappoint us again. What will happen to the car after 10 years? The condition will change; the body of the car will start to rupture. The thing that suppose to give us fulfillment, finally fail to give us CONTINUOS fulfillment.

This is the condition of the humankind. They will go around and around, one thing after another to fulfill the void inside the heart. Allah start the ayah in the Quran by saying, "O you mankind" Hence, it is not the condition of a BELIEVER! Or not Allah would have said, "O you believe" If we are truly a believer, we wont find ourselves in this difficult situation. We shouldn't seek the worldly pleasure for fulfillment. Rather it is used as MEANS to fulfillment, to be close to GOD! 

The next ayah, Allah said:
 "They have not appraised Allah with true appraisal. Indeed Allah is the Most Powerful and Exalted in Might" (Al Hajj 22: 74)
The previous ayah mention about the weakness of mankind and the next ayah mention about the Strength of Allah, subhanallah!  The condition of the humankind is that they appraise their wealth, family, beauty, and status - more than they should appraise Allah. Allah is trying to give reminder to all humankind that if you do that, you will be weak.

Lesson to be learn from the ayah are:
  1. If we run after the Pleasure of Allah, then we will become strong.This is because, "I'm running after the Source of all Strength"
  2. If we run after the things in this life, we'll be weaken. Just like the condition of the car after 10 years.  
Ibn al - Qayyim al Jawziyya said,
"Truly in the heart there's a void that cannot be removed except with the company of Allah. And in it there is sadness that cannot be removed except with the happiness of knowing Allah and being true to Him"

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The Mother or the Police Officer?

Bismillah Ar Rahman Ar Rahim.

In the praying area of the mosque, a seven year old boy  ran around and screamed on top of his voice, oblivious of his surroundings. He was totally caught up in his own little world. However, the commotion was realised by a  police officer standing nearby who quickly demanded that the boy sat quietly but to no avail.  In fact the boy defiantly screamed even louder. 

A while later, the little boy's mother came and was confronted by the police officer who reported about his son's mischief.  To the police officer's surprise, just as his mother showed her disapproval look and raised her hands up pretending she may spank him as punishment, the boy quickly sat down and kept quiet like a good little boy. 

In reality who is more powerful in terms of position and having the authority?
The police officer or the mother?
"...The police officer..."

BUT who is more powerful to the little boy?
"...The mother..."

Because he understood the credibility of a mother and the consequences of not obeying her orders.

Hence the issue here is not, who is MORE POWERFUL but who is MORE POWERFUL IN YOUR HEART

This matter goes back to our relationship with Allah swt.

By reality, Allah swt is the  Most Powerful, but why do most people prefer to obey their desire? Because the power of the desire is more powerful in the heart.

Before a person think about being obedience to Allah swt, The Greatness of the One of whom he should obey should enter the heart first.

So don't tell people, "Why don't you wear hijab?", "Why don't you pray?", "Why don't you fast" or "Don't do this or that, it is haram" 
How could they obey something without understanding the greatness of the one of whom he or she should obey?

The love of Allah swt should enter the heart first, then it becomes easy for him or her to be obedience to Him.

Allah knows best.

Waallahu 'Alam.