Wednesday, June 29, 2011


Trying to find the connection that was missing.
I close my eyes.
"Where are you?"
You were there.
But I wasn't.
My heart wasn't presence.
My mind was busy.

As i stood there, thinking.
As i reciting, wondering.
My eyes gazed upon the mattress
"Where is my heart?"

I tried to read it out loud.
And then I shut my eyes.
I forced my mind to focus.

I do this many times before.
It feels the same.
Nothing change.
I have to struggle with my limbs and mind to stay concentrate.
and then i became tired.
I count seconds when I pray.
But I lose hours in everything else.

I let the thoughts overwhelmed me.
In the end,it is just my physical body that remain.

I no longer looking forward towards this.
I just want to get it over with.
I might not say it.
But it is reflected through my actions.

But this is a special connection between us.
This connection is what change me in the first place.
This connection is what guide me till here.
"Where is the connection?"
"Where is the essence? "
I perform it.
But I don't experience it.

And then i realize.
The problem is with my heart.
A barrier that I cultivated.
Actions that i persisted.

Hence, when I stand.
The connection wasn't there.

As I reach the final prostration.
I ask You.
To give a heart that is close to You.
I'm indeed in need of You.

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